contracts

it is official.  today we signed new contracts to remain in bishkek for another year.  i thought i was pretty content with the decision until we actually had to sign the contracts and then i got all panicky thinking we should have gone to montenegro instead of staying around central asia. 

i know that we are making the right decision with staying.  what my hesitation comes down honestly is that i have a hard time with long term commitments (don't tell jennifer) - hence my resume looking similar to that of a transient, migrant worker.  one year in houston.  three in southern california.  three in austin.  three in harrisburg.  one in houston.  five in alaska.  plus you could break each big move up into smaller moves.  we have lived in two different places while here in bishkek.  i lived in five (yes... five) places in three years when i worked at csusb.  two places in austin.  two places in pennsylvania.  a dorm, a basement apartment, a cabin, a vw bus and a house share in alaska. 

i think the "problem" (if we were to call it that) is a combination of wanderlust (the world is so small... it is a shame not to go, go, go) and the lack of a long term plan.  i was fairly clueless after graduating high school on what i wanted to do long term.  i "found" camping in college (who knew you could major in camping?!) and i guess in fairness to myself i am still following the outdoor recreation career path on some levels.  but i have been kind of aimless with it.

i don't think i started to gain a sense of "i need to have a long term plan" until last summer when dad was dying and jen was close to giving birth to olive.  the combination of those two life events was a huge reality check for me.  i realized that i needed to focus more on the long term and expand my goals to include more than just me, myself and i.  i have jen to take care of.  i have little olive to take care of.  i had my dad to help take care of.  in the future (hopefully the distant future) i will have my mom to take care of.  in order to be that person - i need to have some long term commitments.   financial goals.   best for my family goals. 

as a result my wanderlust and personal goals have to take a backseat to my being a husband.  father.  son.

if it was just me.  or just me and jen.  we would have gone to montenegro in a heartbeat.  but with olive in our lives now.  being here.  being able to save money for all of our futures.  having nina.  having a supportive community of friends.  staying in bishkek for another year is a good long term decision for my family. 

three years counts as long term, right?