obviously i haven't posted much of anything this summer onto the bishkek adventure. between the stress of watching my dad die and not knowing when it would happen... the uncertainty of "should we stay in the states or go back oversees (i have applied for over 50 jobs this summer)... and the anticipation of when little olive is going to arrive... it has been a long summer.
this blog started as a way to chronicle our first year(s) of marriage and life overseas and then once we found out we were pregnant, it morphed into a journal written as much for our unborn daughter (and the little brothers and sisters that might follow one day) for our friends and family. it has taken on even more "urgency" (maybe too much of a dramatic word) now as my dad has passed.
olive will never get a chance to know her grandpa other than through the many stories family will share about him. on some levels... that makes me more sad than "having lost my dad"... olive having lost the chance to have my dad in her life and my dad missing out on having a granddaughter (he only had grandsons).
i want to make sure that olive knows what her mom and dad were like before she was born and as she was young. hopefully this blog will keep growing with posts and photos and allow her to look back and get a sense of who jen and i were... a sense of what we are... and a sense of who she is.
i find myself looking at photos of my dad and reading old news clippings that his mom saved accounting his athletic prowess in high school. it is good for my heart to look at them right now and they make me feel part of something (a lineage?) greater then myself. i hope "the bishkek adventure" does the same for olive. i realize that the blog is made of mostly of trivial posts ("look at us... we are at the park") but that is all that life really is... a series of small, sometimes trivial moments that we hopefully find joy in... hopefully grow from.
it has been a long summer and i feel like i have missed out on writing about it. many of the moments are just small and trivial... but many are big life events that deserve some time and some thought.
my dad just died. my first child is past due. and i have to leave in two weeks to move back to bishkek while jennifer, boone and the baby stay here in the states for an additional month. it would be an understatement to say we have a lot going on. but i plan on going back in the next week or so and getting caught up on "our life" from this long summer. some of the posts will be the copy and paste variety off of jen's "j0y in the journey" blog... but to our loyal readers (the moms, aunt mary, aunt judy, phil, etc) and olive... i promise to get caught up.
This has been a difficult Summer to say the least. I understand that Olivia will not be able to meet her grandpa.... however, she will have lots of our memories of him shared with her. As unfair as it seems, it is part of life and as was said at the funeral, we all live to die. I keep telling myself that... and everyone says that with time tears will turn to smiles with wonderful memories that we have. That is why it is so important to talk to family as much as possible and be as close as you can....so you have that many more reasons to smile and that many more memories. I had mentioned I had a poem I was going to read at dads funeral (and wish I had), but knew I wouldnt be able to finish reading it. But would like to share it because it has helped me.
ReplyDeleteHe is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he is gone,
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want:
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
I know nothing can help our hearts from breaking, but reading it makes me realize what I think dad would really want.... and that was to smile, be happy, and go on. I cry while writing this.... but crying is good... it just mean we loved him.
Love you Bub -
Deana
that is a great poem deana. i am glad you shared it with me. you are a wonderful sister and an amazing daughter to our parents.
ReplyDeletelove,
bub
David, I just wanted to let you know that I think about you guys all the time. I am so sorry to hear about your dad, I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. You and Jen make such a great family and I can't wait to meet little Olive. I really enjoy your posts, they remind me of why relationships with the people you love are so important. Please give your beautiful wife and her belly a kiss and hug from me.
ReplyDeleteJillian